This letter was written and read on the traditional lands of the Woiwurrung, Boon Wurrung and Wurrundjeri people of the Kulin Nation. Originally written as ‘as a letter to a loved one ’ for a panel discussion at the 2017 Creative State Summit led by Angharad Wynne-Jones with Jen and Rani Pramesti.

The letter was re-written and included in Gabrielle de Vietri’s ‘Letters to the Living’ project and re-read by Jen Rae at the opening of  m_othering the perceptual ars poetica at the Counihan Gallery.

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The climate emergency urgently calls upon us to reconcile our colonial histories and decentre dominant narratives of the patriarchy, to take drastic measures to protect our first mother- earth – from the ravages of colonialism and capitalism. On my recent trips home to Turtle island and speaking with First Nations women and community elders, I learned the meaning of the powerful word ‘Rematriation’ as a way of rethinking relationships and roles. Rematriation is a spiritual way of life that centres respect and care for Mother Earth and kinship relationships between each other and all lifeforms.

How do we do this as mothers, parents and within our kinship networks? As Erica Violet Lee writes in Reconciling in the Apocalypse (2016) “reconciliation is the realization of worlds that should have been” prior to colonial disruption. It is here were we can activate our own imaginations, along with those of future generations, to “create a world that should have been” as our starting point.

Dear Vivi,
You’ve recently discovered your belly button. Isn’t it amazing! How did it get there...right there, in the middle of your belly? What is it for? What happens when you put your finger on it? Will it go away if you cover it with your shirt? Nope, it’s still there. Will it be there tomorrow and the day after that? Yep.

I watch you walking around the living room, bumping into things as you probe and poke this little discovery. You trip and fall over. I’ve got you.

_____The day you were born was the day I learned how to live with my heart on the outside of my body and how to lead with my gut. Your swollen, bluish-grey, breathless body was pulled from your mama’s belly. Neonatal code blue. Neonatal code blue. People rushing around us. You on the infant table. Your Mama on the operating table. I looked to your Mama, who was unaware. I looked at you. I said, reassuringly to your Mama: “She has curly brown hair, chubby cheeks and a big toe”. I made promises that day. 
_____You see, my sweet little bear, you were born from my heart, rather than my womb. I come from a long history of Mothers who didn’t mother – due to poverty & trauma on one side and wealth & privilege on the other. I am learning to be a mother as much as you learn about yourself and the world outside of the womb. Mothering in this world...I have been grappling with guilt and hopelessness at times about bringing you into this world, asking myself, ‘how do I mother you in today’s world’? How do I stay hopeful for your sake? What skills and knowledges will you need? Who will be your community? Who and what will you trust to be your guides?What are the values I hope to impart? The world you were born into is in unprecedented turmoil. CODE BLUE. A great trauma is upon our generation, your generation, generations to come. CODE BLUE. The Age of Enlightenment paved the way for the Age of Entitlement. CODE BLUE. We are no longer living in an age of ignorance. We know that our collective actions are leading us towards global ecological and societal collapse, and yet, there is a lack of political willpower and structural change to ensure a sustainable future – your future, your community’s future. CODE BLUE. We are living in an age where, amongst other things, the cult of celebrity and our reliance on convenience has made us future blind. CODE BLUE.

People are rushing all around us...in a race where there will inevitably be winners and losers-with consequences beyond the human imagination. Your Mama and I have entered you into this race. How do we ensure you are prepared?

______Start with your belly. Lead with your gut. Trust your instincts to be your guide. I’ll reassure you. You are here for a purpose. That purpose is yours to find. I’ll be here for you. Be curious. Ask lots of questions of yourself and others. I’ll help find you answers. Be kind to the land and its creatures. Plant seeds and share your harvests. I will guide you. Bring those with you who have demonstrated kindness and fellowship. They will be your team mates. I’ll assist you. Educate yourself through nature, books and elders. The world can strip you of anything, but not your wisdom. I’ll teach you. Find your voice and speak with authenticity. Learn to listen and respond. I’ll nurture you. Find creative ways to express your ideas and mitigate your anxieties. I’ll encourage you. Be mindful of the space and energy you take up and give. I’ll replenish you. Find the positive. It will guide you through the worst times. Don’t worry about getting the best grades, being popular, making money or doing what you think you ‘should’ do. Prod and poke at the things you discover. Persevere and your purpose will be found. You will trip and fall over, bump and bruise yourself...but I’ve got you.
I promise.
Love Mummy